Pop Quiz For Conservatives On Abortion

In the spirit of the unveiling of South Dakota's new state logo, I posed some questions to my rightwing, pro-life friend Jerry Pat Doberson. He was kind enough to provide candid answers.

Question No. 1: You're in a building that is being engulfed in flames. You can only escape safely by exiting through a wing on either your right and left. If you go right, you can also save a petri dish with five blastula. If you go left, you can save a two-year old girl. You can't do both. Which way do you go?

Macswain, we on the right are not idiots. We can do rithmetic and we certainly know that 5 lives are greater than 1. Please stop with the trick questions.

Question No. 2: Do you believe In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) should be legal?

Quit trying to portray us as medieval. Of course, we believe in In Vito fertilization. We just don't believe in destroying the extra eggs ... duh. We have been more than willing to stand up on this issue and preserve these poor darlings in our own freezers. Though for any of you other conservatives, I propose we lobby for legislation requiring the government to create storage facilities so as to avoid a repeat of the freezer burn slaughter that happened in my own fridge. If those whiny Iraq war vets want to see a real case of PTSD, just come over to my house.

Question No. 3 Would you deny Coreen Costello the legal right to have opted for use of the intact dilation and extraction procedure?

Hell yeah. Her increased health risk was more than offset by the chance that God could've got that baby breathing upon a natural birth. Jeebus ... Bill Frist coulda told you that and he's a doctor dontcha know.

Question No. 4 (via Oliver): Do you believe that a medical professional should be put in prison for up to five years for in any way dispensing health care to a woman if it relates to an abortion?

No. 5 years is way too soft. And where the hell is the punishment for the harlot?


Thanks to my righty friend for participating in this candid give-and-take. On my side, I do have a proposal regarding the abortion issue --- the government should lift the restrictions on the morning-after pills so that they are as cheap and as common as Smarties on Halloween.



* I saw a similar formulation of Question No. 1 somewhere on the net and can no longer find it so as to provide a proper attribution.