Macswain

Monday, December 18, 2006

Comedy Gold

"Don Rumsfeld is the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had."

-- Vice President Dick Cheney

4 Comments:

  • NEW YORK -- Miss USA Tara Conner, who had come under criticism amid rumors she had been frequenting bars while underage, will be allowed to keep her title, Donald Trump announced Tuesday.

    "I've always been a believer in second chances," Trump, who owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said with Conner at his side.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:40 AM  

  • Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)

    The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
    Senate Office Building
    309 Hart
    Washington DC , 20510

    Dear Senator Sarbanes,

    As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
    and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal
    when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can
    apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could
    save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for
    many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have
    college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,

    Pete McGlaughlin
    Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.
    Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!






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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:36 PM  

  • NEW YORK - More than nine out of 10 Americans, men and women alike, have had premarital sex, according to a new study. The high rates extend even to women born in the 1940s, challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.

    “This is reality-check research,” said the study’s author, Lawrence Finer. “Premarital sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades.”

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:48 AM  

  • So they fired the Best Sec. of Defense ever..... What an amazing display of either falt lying to the American Public or incompetence in leadership (Cheney's choice).

    By Blogger J. Andrew, at 2:58 PM  

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